Knoxville Wedding Photographer – Personal Post – Oh, baby!
“NO NO NO, I can’t be pregnant. This cannot be happening to me.”
Shaking, crying, laughing, and a full blown anxiety attack, my body was reacting crazily to a negative pregnancy test 3 months after we had just gotten married in 2012. I had dreaded babysitting, working in the nursery at church, and even going to baby showers. I wanted nothing to do with kids when we got married. Ben wanted to be a dad almost immediately. Everything in me wanted to forget about having kids.
At this point in our marriage, it was like walking on eggshells with each other. We had realized after we got married, that we had different dreams. Different desires. Different attitudes. I kept thinking to myself, “How am I supposed to be a good mother when I’m finding it difficult to be a good wife?” We would have silent wars. You know the ones: say something bitter or sarcastic and then that other spouse gets hurt and shuts the other person out for awhile. That was us in 2012 or 2013.
On top of all that I was struggling with being a mother. One of the many things we would fight about was when to start a family. I could’ve waited 10 more years. Ben? 10 days. We were dealing with pressure from a lot of people. We wanted to be the ‘it’ couple. Not Ben and Amber. That was the stuggle.
After a year of growing together and separately in the Lord, I will say that we now have the better marriage than we did when we first got married. We had given up our dreams and desires to the Lord and said, “yes, Lord” to each other and our future family. When we bought our house, we had prayed and talked about our future family. We decided that in January, we would take down all “guards” and see what happens. Well, obviously, that didn’t take long at all.
I started getting really strange Taco Bell cravings and immediately didn’t want to touch desserts. I knew something was off…
So, on February 25 of this year, I took the test. It immediately turned positive but it said on the instructions to wait 2 minutes. During this 2 minutes, I thought to myself, “okay, maybe it will go away or maybe it won’t”. I had come a long way from 2012. I had my joy back. I had my dream of kids back. I had me back. I was ready for whatever the Lord had for us, with full joy.
It was POSITIVE. I was by myself and didn’t know how to react. I started looking at myself in the mirror and smiling. I couldn’t stop smiling. Smiling over the goodness of God and where he has brought me with this particular aspect of my life. “In your presence is fullness of joy, at your righthand are pleasures forevermore.” (Ps. 16) Now don’t get my wrong, I was anxious and nervous as all get out. But I wasn’t having an anxiety attack.
Since then, it’s been a rollercoaster. I’ve been sick non stop. Dealing with nausea all day, everyday. Dealing with crazy cravings like Taco Bell, jello, and grilled cheeses. I have no desire for desserts. If you know me, you know that I’m pregnant when I don’t want a piece of pie or a cupcake. It’s not been the joyous time that I had hoped for. I’ve been battling a lot of insecure feelings, guilt, and nightmares. Thankfully, I’ve had amazing support and love from tons of friends, family, and strangers. (Thank you thank you thank you!!!!)
So, Amber. Does this mean you’re quitting Woven & Spun? Absolutely NOT! I still have big dreams for my business. However, with our family changing, I will my limiting my workload. To all my 2014 brides, you should’ve received an email concerning your wedding and what our contract states and your options. I’m pretty sure I got feedback from everyone. I am booking March to December 2015 weddings. I am no longer booking 2014 weddings. I am currently booking any other shoots. I will not be doing Fall mini sessions this year. So if you’re wanting any photos done, book now! I will try and have a least one summer mini session promotion. I decided not to do spring only because I have been so sick.
If you have any questions or would like more information about booking, you can email me at email@example.com
Now for a little entertainment….
We videoed when we told my parents. We tried to video when we told Ben’s mom but it didn’t work 🙁 But if you were at our wedding, multiply her excitement then by 10. It’s an understatement to say that she’s excited 🙂
[vimeo 92087629 w=500 h=282] <p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/92087629″>First Baby Announcement</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/user26989193″>Amber Lowe</a> on <a href=”https://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a>.</p>
This was when we actually announced our pregnancy to my entire family. It’s a little long because we forgot to cut it off after we announced. OOPS!
[vimeo 92198361 w=500 h=281] <p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/92198361″>BABY ANNOUNCEMENT 2</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/user26989193″>Amber Lowe</a> on <a href=”https://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a>.</p>
The lovely Kristin Peddicord of KLP Photography did our announcement photos. So so so thankful for wonderful friends like her and Casey.